He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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