can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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