how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
