just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
