so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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