Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
