We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
