Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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