if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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