At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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