Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
