Sry I called you an 8
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
