Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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