I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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