Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
