i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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