Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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