I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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