you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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