I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
