I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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