a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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