im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
