i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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