Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
