its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
