remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
