My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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