K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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