plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
