she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
