I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
