I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
