im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
