What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
