i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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