so explain again why im purple
no
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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