he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
