So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
