I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
