Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nutella sex= disaster
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
