She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
