i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
