This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
