2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
