Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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