Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
