my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
