Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
FYI - Donβt go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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