so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can I color on your dick again?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
