Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
