I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize