i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
