Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You are a genius and a whore.
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