Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
