Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
