I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
