I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
