From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
