Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
