i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
