NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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