My nipple is on Facebook.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize