The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need water and some morals
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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