i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
