my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
